The Supporting Witness

Grace Playing Vet (about 1.5 mths ago)

Today Grace and I went to one of our rescue group's (Tzu Zoo Rescue) vets. There was an elderly Shih Tzu female that our group had picked up on Saturday from a local area shelter. The vet had assessed her and suggested that there was a quality of life issue. I was to assess her since she was our group's dog and decide if she was ready to leave this world or if there was more living for her to do.

Without going through the list of her ailments, she was ready to go. She was asking and there is a moment when you lay hands on a dog and know. This is not taken lightly. Our sweet foster Emmitt could not walk, see much, or hear much when we brought him to our home, but he had a desire to stay and live. This sweet girl, who we called Fern, was ready.

In my spirituality, there is something about keeping one company when they pass. There is something about laying hands, and sending love into another being, and breathing with them as they breathe their last breaths. There is something about a fellow creature dying, letting her know she is loved, and really being with her, even if only for just for a few moments.

So I told Grace what we were doing and why. When it was time to sit with Fern as she passed, Grace sat on my hip and silently, solemnly watched. I laid my hand on Fern and breathed with her. As I felt her last heart beat and last breath, I knew she was out of pain and safe. And the tears began to stream down my face. I smiled and told Grace that Fern was no longer suffering, but that it still made me sad.

Before we had gone to witness Fern's passing, I had grabbed a tissue from the front waiting area. Grace grabbed one from the box too as most everything I do, she tries too. Well, as we walked away from Fern's body that she did not need any more, Grace reached over with her tissue and wiped my tear-wetted cheek. Grace is 18 months old. And this was the kindest gesture she or anyone could have done for me. She smiled, I smiled, and I knew we had done well. It is not Grace's job to make me smile and it is not my job to fix unfixable suffering. Sometimes being a witness and letting another know they are loved is the absolute best we can do.

A prayer for Fern. And a grateful meditation for gestures of love.

Lucky MacGregor

Our foster dog Lucky went to his forever home today. It was the perfect home for him, but it was really hard saying goodbye to a dog we enjoyed so much. Lucky came to stay with our family in mid-January because his family moved abroad to Scotland and felt they could not take him with. After Sam, we were hesitant to sign on for another foster, but Lucky sounded like the perfect fit. And, if a dog has never had to experience shelter life (which was the alternative for Lucky), you try to keep it that way.

Lucky was great with Grace and loved being around her. He was very deferential to our dogs' hierarchy (except he found Oskar to be quite dreamy and would pester him occasionally only to be reminded Oskar did not like that). He was just a fun and funny joy to be around for everyone. Lucky never quite figured out that he was not on the same level as Jeff and me --- and I suppose he was on our level. If we were sitting at the dinner table, Lucky hopped up on the empty chair to join us. If Jeff was leaning against a pillow Lucky wanted to lay on, he would politely bark at Jeff to let him know that he would appreciate Jeff passing the pillow to him so he could lay on it. And, if I pointed my scolding finger at Lucky to tell him no, he'd wag his tail, cock his head, and playfully slap my finger back with his paw. I couldn't stay upset with him even when he was being mischievous. I doubt anyone could.

Sitting on TOP of His Crate

Lucky loved going for walks and would bark at every car that passed. He sure chased them away. He responded better if you spoke to him in a Scottish accent (sadly, my Scottish accent is still terrible after three months of practice). Of course we took this opportunity to research and brush up on our Scottish slang. Lucky was always up to some funny, wacky scheming whether it was sitting on the shelf in Grace's closet, trying to figure out how he could jump up on our mantle, or jumping in our bathtub to see if just perhaps there was something good in there he was missing. Lucky made us laugh and smile so much.

We loved having Lucky stay with us and thoroughly enjoyed his company. Saying goodbye this morning, I knew I was experiencing both the happiest and the saddest moments of fostering. He went to an excellent family with three excited happy kids and two very loving parents. The kids has made "Welcome Home Lucky!" posters and pasted them at dog eye-level on the wall. He was so happy running with those kiddos and playing their games at both our home visit and when I dropped him off this morning that I know he was in a good place where he belongs. It felt like he belonged with us, but now a family is more whole and Lucky has his very own place. And now we are able to welcome our next foster dog into our home. We will miss Lucky, but would happily have that bit of sadness for helping him along his way and for having him bring so much joy and laughter into our lives. Welcome home Lucky!

A Year In Dog Rescue

Our Oskar

Today is our one year anniversary of volunteering with Tzu Zoo Rescue. A year ago today, we picked up our first Tzu Zoo foster, Henry. What a year it has been.

A little over a year ago, somewhat paralyzed with grief, Jeff and I wandered around with Grace from shelter to shelter and rescue to rescue looking for something to make us feel better. We ended up at a meet and greet with Tzu Zoo Rescue. The dogs were happy, the people friendly, and it felt like a group we could call home.

We ached and wanted to put that ache into action. The statistics of the number of dogs being euthanized weekly is horrendous. We wanted to try to make a difference. And, while our impact was just a drop in the bucket compared to the numbers of dogs in the DFW area who are euthanized or worse every year, we made an impact on the individual lives we helped save. And honestly, all of those dogs taught us, changed us, and helped lift us up. We have transported dogs, coordinated pick ups from shelters and owner surrenders, helped with meet and greets, done potential adopter home visits, helped maintain the web site, and managed community outreach emails and calls. And best of all, we have fostered several great dogs and were lucky enough to have Oskar join our family.

I always learn a lot from dogs, but I have learned an incredible amount about people through this last year as well. I have talked to people at a place of mourning after their beloved pet and friend has died when the beggingly ask, "Will I ever feel better?" "Yes, you will, but you will never get over it." I have seen our foster dogs go to homes where they transform the family to a new level of completeness and happiness. I have helped educate people how to be better dog owners. And I have seen cruelty so terrible it will haunt me forever. But I would not change any of it. It has been a rewarding year and I feel very lucky to have been a part of such a wonderful group that has literally saved the lives of hundreds of dogs. Here are the 33 dogs Jeff, Grace, and I have personally helped and, in turn, have been changed by, in the last year:

Henry		Foster
Squirt		Transports
Whiskey		Foster
Winston		Temporary Foster
Charlie Brown		Transports
George		Transports
Lenny		Transport
Cosmos		Transport
Benjamin		Transport
Toby		Intake
Megan		Transport
Dixie		Transports
Bentley		Foster
Oskar		Foster-to-Mayerson Pack
Slim		Transport
Puffy		Transport
Juliet		Intake
Travis		Intake
Emma		Intake
Brutus		Foster
Rudi		Home Visit for His Forever Home
Mr. Magee		Home Visit for His Forever Home
Emmitt		Foster
Samuel		Foster
Pearl		Transport and Home Visit for Her Forever Home
Lily		Home Visit for Her Forever Home
Pooh Bear		Intake
Yahoo		Home Visit for His Forever Home
Brodie		Intake
Pepper		Intake
Lucky		Foster
Dakota		Home Visit for His Forever Home
Bogey		Transport

Here's to helping save more lives and meeting more wonderful pups in our second year with Tzu Zoo Rescue!

Goodbye Emmitt

I received news that one of our former fosters, Emmitt, passed away. We fostered Emmitt last summer when he first came to the group. He came to Tzu Zoo from a local area shelter where he was due to be euthanized as he was too decrepit to adopt out. With the condition he had been in, it was hard to determine how much of his pitiful state was due to neglect and how much was due to his old age. Our group decided to take him in, even it was to be as a forever foster, to give him a chance to know what it was to be cared for and loved.

I picked him up from one of our groups vet where they saved him down and gave him an initial physical. My task was to nurse him back to health as much as possible and to determine if there was any good quality of life for him. When I went to the vet to pick him up, he could not really walk. He kept falling down and would just lie there. I picked him up, loaded him the car, and told him he was safe. He came to our house and slept for about the first three days with not much activity beyond my carrying him out to go to the bathroom and taking him over to the water bowl. I would bring him food and he would eat, but mainly he just slept. He did not seem to be in active pain and so we just let him be.

Napping In A Spot Of Sunshine

After a few days of staying with us, he started to check out his new surroundings. It seemed he was deaf and had some shadowy vision, but not full vision. His back legs had no muscle tone (I have never seen a dog with such little muscle tone). Perhaps he had been chained or caged where he could not walk. I would support his weight and help him get around. He increasingly became more active, enjoying strolling around the yard and following me around the house. He would not climb the stairs, but liked to rest in spots of sunshine on the bottom step. He also loved playing in Grace's play house wall. He would go in and out the door repeatedly. I am not sure what it meant to him, but he was happy and wagging when he did it.

And sweet Emmitt loved having his head rubbed. He would lay his head in my lap and never tired of getting pet and rubbed. There was definitely good quality of life left for this dog. He was old and gray, but once he started to feel better, his tail and affection did not stop.

Emmitt went on to live in one of the best possible forever foster homes with a family that fosters many of our forever foster seniors. He continued to improve and knew five great months of love and happiness.

I was sad to hear that Emmitt "crossed the rainbow bridge" as our group puts it, but I am so glad that he died knowing he was loved and cared for. We all foster and volunteer in our group for different reasons, but one of Jeff's and my main loves is to help the seniors. I am glad that we had the pleasure to know Emmitt, learn from him, and help him along his way.

Moving On, Sammy Boom Boom

Samuel, our sweet, guarded Sammy Boom Boom, went to his next foster home recently. Sam was emotionally our hardest foster yet. He was a devoted, well-mannered, loving sweetheart most of the time, but a primal protective side that was rooted in past traumatic experiences came out on rare occasions. He presented us with some of the serious issues regarding what to do with broken dogs.

Samuel came to us from a local area SPCA where he had been deemed unadoptable and was due to be put down. Our group agreed to take him. Someone had done something truly terrible to Sam in his past and left a insecure, scared dog. While Sam was with us, we worked to identify the triggers that brought about this insecurity. And we determined how to deal with the aggression. The hard part is that there are not that many people looking to adopt a dog with that level of issues. His behaviors were not something that could be trained out of him for every person, but rather each person had to be trained on how to best address these issues with Sam. The Mayerson household had many sleepless nights, many discussions of ethics, and kept revisiting our personal statements of beliefs and values in deciding how to best help Sam. Ultimately, securing a new foster home for him was our answer. While not our ideal since bouncing him to a new home countered his new-found security (ideally we would have found a way to responsibly adopt him and keep him with us), helping him along the way until he could go to his next foster home is the best we could do.

Sam lived with us for four months and I can honestly say he would have been great with us long term if we stayed in our same daily routine and arrested our development in time. But we had to make a call. With a walking little girl and an increasingly risky possibility of Sam and Grace coming in contact, we were feeling the pressure of time as Grace became more mobile. After much discussion, consulting a behaviorist, and advocating for Sam, we took him to another foster home in the group. Given some of his acting-our behaviors, he may be one of our group's forever fosters. And that is ok. But maybe we will find the forever home that is waiting for sweet Sam and is willing to work with his issues. We are still looking for that home.

When Samuel was able to let his guard down and relax, which he did the majority of the time he was here, he was a sweetie. He loved our evenings in the living room, sitting as a family, playing with toys, romping, petting, and enjoying each others' company. And he would wedge himself next to the nursery door while I put Grace down for her naps, protecting us from any harm that might try to come in. He loved chasing the ducks at the pond and exploring on our walks. And he loved toys. During Sam's stay here he was a sweet, happy, good guest.

Samuel was a good reminder for me that rescue comes in all forms. Jeff and I work really hard to create a safe, stable, secure environment that supports our fosters physically, mentally, and spiritually. In many ways I feel we failed with Sam because Sam did not leave here to go for his forever home. But in other ways I feel that it is not as black and white as that. We helped advocate for Sam to get him past his death sentence and we helped him grow in his understanding of security and hierarchy. Maybe that is enough, I don't know. I do know he is safe and he is better understood than when he first joined our group. And he knows that he is loved.

Insecurity does terrible things to creatures and some are better equipped to deal with it than others. Insecurity is part of existence to some extent, but whatever poor Sam went through, please know sweet baby that you are safe and you are ok. And while we miss you, we wish you the best in your next foster home.

Oskar, the Newest Member of Our Pack

Sometimes we fail. And sometimes this failure results in a greater success story. We have definitely had a difficult time letting each one of our fosters go. However, we just could not let Foster Oskar go and he became a failed foster. Now he is Oskar Mayerson.

Oskar is a sweet, happy little boy who stuck to the same motto as that of our Mushman, "Keep your chin up, buddy." And it worked. He has come to a good, healthy, happy place.

Oskar Before

He was due to be euthanized at the end of day June 11 at the Mansfield shelter. They had tagged him "rescue only" because of his damaged eye. Rescue only means that only an approved rescue group can pull him out of the shelter and that he was not available to the public. I saw his picture and Jeff and I knew he had to come into our group, Tzu Zoo Rescue. Luckily Lynda was already on it.

We already had our foster spot filled with Bentley, but I let Lynda know that we could take him for the weekend if needed (he was in really bad shape and did not need to spend the weekend alone at the vet's office). Jeff came home with him and he was in poor shape. His skin was burned from infection, he had a terrible respiratory infection, he was bloody and scabby, and he was skin and bones. He was tired and weary, but that tail still worked like a champ. He came in and slept and slept and slept. He slept for days, but was just as sweet as could be.

When Monday rolled around and Lynda asked if we would mind keeping him for a few more days, we said sure... he still needed the peace and quiet of our home after all, right? Then we finally sent out the note that he could stay here until he went to his forever home. Little did we know he was already there.

We did not "market" Oskar as we have our other fosters as he really needed recovery time before he was ready to be paraded at Meet and Greets and introduced to potential families. And, by the time he was ready for show, we just could not let him go. While our group adopts our dogs only to great families, we needed Oskar to stay with ours.

Oskar delights in everything around him. He just has a good time no matter what we are doing. And he is so eager to please. You want to cuddle with him, he will be the best cuddler. You want to go for a walk, he will be the happiest, most cooperative walker. Oh, and if you want to play, by golly he is up for it. He respects Emma and Fidel as being here first and tries to follow what they signal he needs to do. He is just so sweet and chipper and fun and good hearted. He has the most nonferocious growl ever when he wants to play. Grace adores him. He will be bouncing around and Grace laughs and laughs. She giggles at him all the time. He always comes over to check in on her and see what she is up to and will often snuggle against her cheek.

He has brought out the younger, more playful side in both Emma and Fidel. They still played before Oskar, but now it is a daily, wild ruckus that reminds me of younger times. It is good to see they still have that. He also makes them run at the dog park as they chase and check out everything.

We are so glad to have Oskar with us. He has already been through some rough stuff in his young life, but hopefully it is all good from here. Please allow me to introduce you to Oskar Mayerson.

Brutus Beefcake

Brutus was at the Denton animal shelter and was going to be euthanized. Our group said to "tag" him and we would come pick him up. Stephanie dropped him off at one of our vets and I picked him up later that afternoon. I brought him home and he was an instant hit with our crew.

Turned out this little guy was perfectly potty trained, liked our dogs, and was great with Gracie. He had some itchy skin and was a little rattled and tired from his ordeal, but made himself at home.

Brutus adored Jeff and followed him around everywhere. Brutus has a cartoonish, Sandra Boynton character quality about him with his big blue eyes, dramatic marking, and big-dog-in-a-small-body posture. I could just sit and watch him for a seemingly infinite amount of time and never become fully convinced he was not a cartoon character. Brutus loved to play with plush toys and would roll on his back flinging them up in the air to himself. Such a fun guy. But he was not one to shy away or be too busy for cuddle time --- he can snuggle with the best of them.

Brutus was adopted to a woman and her children in Austin where he will be adored and love. We miss our little beefcake, but another dog is rescued and another person has more love and salvation in their life.