Update: No Made-In-China Resolution

Well, our New Years' Resolution is definitely impacting our shopping, but actually not as much as I thought it would. We had a few purchases in which our hand was somewhat forced to choose China:

• We successfully found a BluRay DVD player that was not made in China --- thank you Sony for providing us with this option. However, we could not find any cables for the BluRay player that were not made in China. Lapse.
  
• We are committed to not buying leather products with the exception of Grace's shoes (it is seemingly impossible to find orthopedically-friendly toddlers' shoes that are not leather). Well, Jeff needed new work shoes and the vegan shoes that we found were made in China. We chose made in China over leather. Seemed like the lesser of bad choices.

Other than that, those were our only "forced" China purchases this month. Another interesting discovery that I still don't quite understand is that at a single store, you can find the same shoes --- exact same color, size, style, brand --- made two different places. For example, I needed some new Converse All-Stars. The ones I have that are worn out are made in China. But I decided to look to see if perhaps they had changed their location of manufacturing. I was happily surprised to see Made in Vietnam on the first pair I picked up. I went ahead and chose some out in my size. Those were made in China. Hmm. I picked up a second pair in my size and they were made in Vietnam. I do not know if the skew number was different for the two, so is my buying the made in Vietnam ones really registering with the store that I chose made in China? I decided that issue just needed an email to Converse to explain my preference. I was very happy to discover I could buy my shoes though.

Not too shabby of a month though. We'll see what we find in February.

Love Those Primigi Shoes

In Her Primigis at Christmas

Grace has outgrown another pair of shoes. She now wears a size 6. With our Not-Made-in-China resolution, one might think it would be hard to find new shoes for her. One would be right.

However, last time we needed to purchase new shoes for Grace, I discovered Primigi shoes at Nordstrom. They are the only brand of toddler shoes that I have found that are not made in China. Primigi shoes are orthopedically friendly for kiddos her size, they are quite handsome, and they are made in Italy. Alas, they are made of leather, but in our guidelines for buying shoes for her, something had to give. Her last pair held up extremely well, and we are not so easy on our shoes around her. She was quite comfortable in them.

Yesterday we ordered a second pair for her, this time in brown. No doubt we will put them to the test. And I have confidence they will do quite well. Brand loyalty deserved.

Finding God at the God Park [A Bit of Fancy]

I had been living in what was then my new city for about 6 months. I was 25, working my first job out of grad school, and everything was going well. I liked where I lived, my work, and the people I had met so far. However, I kept having this niggling sense that something was missing. It was as if there was a hole somewhere in me that needed to be filled. Yeah, I was single, but I figured that would take care of itself in time. No, it was something more. People kept offering the answer over and over in different ways.

Co-worker: "Would you like to come to my church with me on Sunday? It is a fun church and there is a great fellowship."
Billboard: "I'm listening. -God"
Flier in my mailbox: "New to the area? Single? Just looking for friends? Come to Young Singles Wednesday Nights" at our church

However, it was one night on the phone with my best friend, Lynette, that pushed me over. We talked almost every night, but that night the 500+ miles between us felt like forever. We were talking about how good things were, but how I just wasn't feeling as good as I thought I should.

She hesitantly started, "Don't be mad at me, but do you think you are looking for God?" She knew I had been raised in a nonreligious household, and, while I had been to a couple churches with friends, church and religion really held no appeal for me. But she knew me better than anyone and had never brought it up before, so I listened.

"Maybe you are right. I don't know. But where would I even begin? I don't even know where to start or what religion I would be."

Lynette, not letting me get off that easy, said, "Just pick a church and go. If you don't like their god, to to a different one. What do you have to lose?"

She had a point. It could not hurt.

The next morning on my run, I received a sign. Or at least I saw a sign. Stapled to a telephone poll, it read:

Come Find a God at the God Park
This Sunday from 10 am - Noon
Under the title was a map with a star on it (presumably the location of the God Park?) and a telephone number for questions. I entered the number and location in my phone and finished my run.

It seemed very strange, but who was I to buck such an amazing coincidence. I envisioned something similar to the health fair they had at work --- a park with booths for different churches offering their God. And really that was just what I needed. I did not know anything about God outside of academics and literature and, here, just as I was thinking of trying to find God, was an event for me to find my God. Throughout the rest of the week, I toyed back and forth with calling the number to get more information. Ultimately I decided against it for fear that they would keep calling me once they had my number.

I reflected on what I was looking for in the God I would hopefully find at this God park. Me, being the same Shelley Kappler I have always been, decided to make a list:

• Meaning
  
• A sense of togetherness and fellowship
  
• Volunteerism and giving back to the community
  
• Being a part of something bigger
  
• Feeling involved and needed
  

I looked over my list and decided it was a reasonable set of expectations and thought it sounded like what other people find at church.

Sunday morning rolled around. I got dressed in a dress pants and a sweater as recommended by Lynette ("Every church has a different unofficial dress code. Just dress neutrally until you figure it out which one you are going to join.") I drove to the intersection that had been on the flier and parked in a gravel lot. I did not see any booths but did see a lot of people in a fenced area.

As I made my way over toward the fence, a bubbly woman, probably in her 30s, approached me with a smile and her arm reached out. I smiled back and glanced at her name tag which read, "Hi. My Name is Tap," as I extended my hand to shake hers.

I started, "Hi. I'm Shelley Kappler. Thanks for having me out here today. I am excited to look around and see if there is one that is a good fit for me."

"Nice to meet you, Shelley. Patricia Lawson, but everyone calls me Pat. Thank you for coming. We have some great dogs here today, so hopefully you'll find the right one for you."

The record scratched. What?! Dogs?! I looked back at her name tag and it all registered with me. Excellent. Apparently I was at the Dog Park and Pat (or Tap should I say?!) was going to help me find a Dog.

Not wanting to embarrass myself more than I already was, I followed Pat as she invited me to join her in the fenced area. I was simultaneously mad, amused, and just astounded at how I ended up here. Here I was [insert sarcastic tone here], following my sign to find God, so I might as well stick around.

I entered the fenced area and instantly five dogs came running up to greet me. There were other running and chasing each other. Some were hiding under benches looking scared. And then there was a little cluster of dogs marking and remarking the perimeter staking claim to this being their park.

I knelt down to pet the crew that came to greet me. They wagged and licked my face and almost pushed me over telling me hi. I could not help but laugh out loud. Yeah, this was not such a bad place to stumble into. After throwing the ball, petting numerous pups, laughing at some hilarious antics of a 40 lb dog trying to sit in the water bowl, I went back over to Pat.

"So all of these dogs need homes?"

"Yes, all were in trouble in some way or another. Our group saves strays and goes to shelters to save them from euthanization when we can. It is a drop in the bucket --- too many are put down --- but we do what we can. We always need more volunteers and more adoptive homes."

I could not believe it. All of these happy waggly pups were to be put down or worse had Pat and her group not saved them.

Pat continued, "We have a really nice group of volunteers. We are just people who love dogs and wanted to make a difference, to give something back. We save lives together and have developed some great friendships while doing it."

I smiled. Pat caught my far-off look and switched directions, "Anyways, no pressure to volunteer or anything. We are just happy you came out today to look at adopting one of our dogs. Let me know if you have any questions."

She jauntily walked away to rough house with one of the dogs that had gone running past us.

I pulled out my list and looked at it. Shaking my head and laughing to myself, everything on the list was right there in that park with these dedicated people and this wonderful motley crew made up of happy, shaggy, sad, playful, scared, and beautiful dogs.

Two weeks later, I ended up adopting one of the dogs I met at the park. Since then I also volunteer with the same rescue group I met at the park that day.

I found what I was looking for at the park that day. I have found my fellowship and I have defined a bigger purpose for myself. That sense of something missing is no more.

Now, whenever I grab the leash to take Sal, my sweet wonderful dog, to the dog park, as he dances excitedly around me, I jokingly say, "Let's go to the God park."

Post script. It is funny because Pat and I have become great friends and we talk several times a week and work together regularly at adoption events. Interestingly, I have never heard or seen any signs of her dyslexia since. I never told her why I showed up at the park that day. But, then again, I found what I was looking for, however I ended up getting there.

Goodbye Emmitt

I received news that one of our former fosters, Emmitt, passed away. We fostered Emmitt last summer when he first came to the group. He came to Tzu Zoo from a local area shelter where he was due to be euthanized as he was too decrepit to adopt out. With the condition he had been in, it was hard to determine how much of his pitiful state was due to neglect and how much was due to his old age. Our group decided to take him in, even it was to be as a forever foster, to give him a chance to know what it was to be cared for and loved.

I picked him up from one of our groups vet where they saved him down and gave him an initial physical. My task was to nurse him back to health as much as possible and to determine if there was any good quality of life for him. When I went to the vet to pick him up, he could not really walk. He kept falling down and would just lie there. I picked him up, loaded him the car, and told him he was safe. He came to our house and slept for about the first three days with not much activity beyond my carrying him out to go to the bathroom and taking him over to the water bowl. I would bring him food and he would eat, but mainly he just slept. He did not seem to be in active pain and so we just let him be.

Napping In A Spot Of Sunshine

After a few days of staying with us, he started to check out his new surroundings. It seemed he was deaf and had some shadowy vision, but not full vision. His back legs had no muscle tone (I have never seen a dog with such little muscle tone). Perhaps he had been chained or caged where he could not walk. I would support his weight and help him get around. He increasingly became more active, enjoying strolling around the yard and following me around the house. He would not climb the stairs, but liked to rest in spots of sunshine on the bottom step. He also loved playing in Grace's play house wall. He would go in and out the door repeatedly. I am not sure what it meant to him, but he was happy and wagging when he did it.

And sweet Emmitt loved having his head rubbed. He would lay his head in my lap and never tired of getting pet and rubbed. There was definitely good quality of life left for this dog. He was old and gray, but once he started to feel better, his tail and affection did not stop.

Emmitt went on to live in one of the best possible forever foster homes with a family that fosters many of our forever foster seniors. He continued to improve and knew five great months of love and happiness.

I was sad to hear that Emmitt "crossed the rainbow bridge" as our group puts it, but I am so glad that he died knowing he was loved and cared for. We all foster and volunteer in our group for different reasons, but one of Jeff's and my main loves is to help the seniors. I am glad that we had the pleasure to know Emmitt, learn from him, and help him along his way.

Hi Hippo

G and Her Hippo

When Grace holds her little stuffed hippo, I (copying Jeff) say "Hippopotamus" in my best Greek accent. Well, today Grace takes her hippo, hugs it, and says, "Hi Hippo." It was pretty cool. Sure we don't have the more common words like ouch or cold down, although she communicates these very clearly, nor have I been working on them with her as much, but hippo is now on the vocab list.

Mourning in the Dark with Schmidt

Last night Jeff and I had a lovely date night out. We transformed to our formal selves and headed downtown. We went to Newport's for a pre-performance drink and appetizer. It was my first time there and I liked it. After that we headed to the Meyerson for the DSO performance.

We were particularly excited about this concert as Andrew Litton, the DSO's conductor before Jaap van Zweden, was back as a guest conductor. We have seen him a few times before and each time have been very impressed with him. He is comfortable and natural to watch. He usually chooses at least one piece that is unfamiliar to us and does a great job making it approachable. For example, he introduced us to Charles Ives' Central Park in the Dark a few years ago, which is a piece we were quite taken by and still really enjoy.

Litton's choice did not disappoint. He introduced us (and I think most of the rest of the audience as well) to Franz Schmidt. He selected his Symphony No.4 in C major. It was introduced as a "requiem for Schmidt's daughter" and in my opinion, it precisely captured the sense of anguish going through daily life after loosing a loved one. Litton joked when introducing the piece that you may want to hit the bar at intermission. And dark it was.

I am glad to have been introduced to Schmidt. It was a melancholic piece, but beautiful. It captured the tension of trying to move forward, but being rendered immobile by grief. Perhaps I laid some of my own experience on it, but I think I really heard it in the music. It was very powerful. Sitting in the dark, collectively crying with many of the people around me. I stayed with the music, but periodically would move outside of it to notice people wiping their eyes and reaching for each other. I was not the only one moved.

The second piece was Brahm's Piano Concerto No.1 in D Minor, Op.15. It was incredible and I have a feeling I would have been quite taken by it had I not been so emotionally drained from the first half. It was nice to just sit back and let it carry me and clear my brain of images. I just enjoyed the notes and the comparatively harmonious piece.

It was a lovely evening and I am glad I got experience it. I really like van Zweden, but I will be looking forward to when Litton comes to guest conduct again.

Testing Gravity, Tiger Sitting, and Other Things I Don't Want to Forget

Gravity Test, Iteration #429

Grace is at the dump-everything stage. One of her favorite ways of playing with toys right now is loading up a basket or bin with toys, then raising it above her head and dumping it so the toys rain down on her head and around her. She smiles and starts loading up the basket again. Definitely some impressive Sisyphean clean up sessions for me or Jeff or Miss Cindy, but it is so fun to watch her start her experiment again as gravity continues to work and pull those toys over her.

Another fun game/routine we have is that when it is time for Grace to nap or go to bed, we get her jamis or sleep pants on, then say, "Do you want a bottle?" She starts saying "Ne ne," her word for drink, and goes to sit on her tiger. We hand her the bottle and she lies down with it on her tiger. The unspoken rule is that from then on she has to stay on her tiger until we put her in her crib. After she finished her milk and passes it off, we snuggle on the tiger. She started a fun game last week where she scoots off the tiger about a couple inches and smiles mischievously. We say, "Are you on the tiger?" She belly-laughs and throws herself smiling on the tiger. I love her games.

Prep for Gravity Test Iteration #437

Additionally, Grace's understanding of what we are saying has increased significantly in the past month. Two nights ago, Jeff and I were in the kitchen and Grace was charging around working on her projects. Jeff was saying that Grace had been frustrated earlier in the day because he did not do the correct (by her definition) hand movements for Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. She would set the song to play on one of her toys and ask him to join her in doing it. I asked if he would like to learn the hand movements. I had started to show him when Grace came charging in with her laptop toy, pressed the button that plays Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and started doing the movements with me. She did not miss a thing in our conversation. I am sure a couple of weeks from now, this will be standard and not all that impressive. But to see these connections for the first time is really pretty cool. We have always included her in conversations and I know she is taking in a lot, but this lets me know that even if it appears she is busy and distracted, she is soaking it all in.

Laughing and smiling and dancing and growing --- not just referring to Grace, but to all of us.

Bringing In The New Year [In Serial Haiku]

It is hard to beat
a New Year's celebration
at 7:50.

Dancing jaybird girl
it's time to put on jamis.
She revels in love.

Bounce Around the Room
plays as she spins in circles,
giggling and squealing.

I am spinning too
dancing, basking in music
and radiant joy.

My husband/Her dad
smiles, joins in celebrating
the Moment. Year. Now.