Thursday, July 29, 2010

Looking Back on the Present

Too Hot To Handle 15K
1:29:30; 26/132
I purchased a picture from a race Jeff and I did a couple of weeks ago. I do not look pretty or glowing with happiness in the picture. I appear really sweaty and hot and as though I am working hard. Yet I purchased the picture from the race photographer and am excited to have it.

Several years ago, I would not have considered purchasing this picture as I wanted only pictures of myself that represented me at my "best" as defined by my perceptions of beauty. I would gravitate towards pictures of me smiling, looking trim, or just ones I thought I looked pretty in. As I looked at this sweaty picture of myself today and considered purchasing it, I thought of how I pushed through the wall on that race, how I felt strong, and how I thought the picture really captured the feeling of the moment as I pushed forward despite the heat and my tired muscles. I flashed forward to some future day when I might feel sick or might be unable to use my body in the same ways. While the smiling, pretty pictures might be some comfort, I think will take greater pride in the one that showed I was strong and really pushed myself hard.

So here is to sweaty finishes, reaching personal time goals, and occasionally grimacing as I sprint to the finish.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Off to the Races

Today we went to Lone Star Park with some friends of ours to watch the races. It was our first time to the park and Grace's first time to the races. While taking your kid to the track might not seem like the most family friendly activity, it was appealing to us because it involved horse (which Grace likes) and Mary Poppins races horses. Around our house these days, any thing we can relate to Mary Poppins is instantly a success.

When we left our house we told Grace that we were going to the horse races.

"Horses. Horses. Horses. Horses. Grace Horses?"

"Yes, Grace is going to go see horses. We are going to a horse race just like Mary Poppins was in a horse race."

"Poppins horses. Grace horses." Clap clap.

We placed our bets and we got to see and pet horses. She loved looking at the horses and like the cheering during the races. And, much to Grace's joy, it was dollar snow cone day. Overall, a great way to spend the afternoon.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

A Lesson in Fear Dissipation

Grace looks at the window as the wall of clouds that resembles The Nothing approaches. Her brow furrows. She looks between me and her dad. She looks scared, but I wait and see to avoid teaching her my personal reaction.

"Thunder?" she asks.

"Yes, baby, that is thunder."

She looks at the window, looks at us, and turns back to the wall of clouds. Her face brightens and her eyes, mouth, cheeks, and brow beam and smile as she raises her hand and begins to vigorously wave.

In her beautiful chirpy voice that carries just as much smile as her face she says, "Hi Thunder."

I love that little girl and her approach to our world. Thanks chica.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Dreaming in Langston Hughes

The Poems: 1951-1967 (Collected Works of Langston Hughes, Vol 3)
I picked up a book of poetry by Langston Hughes at our local library. I have always liked Hughes and have found on several occasions that years after having read one poem of his or another, single lines or images he presented float through my head. I had previously only read Hughes in collections of poetry that included other authors. In reading this volume of his poetry, I am finding a much richer experience. There is something hugely different (as I have also discovered with other poets) in reading a book of poetry by a single poet. I somehow really begin to see the shape of their work and what their world looks like, if their words are truth tellers. Themes emerge and I realize more clearly what the poet's voice sounds like. I am just loving reading this book.

More than anything, I love the unintended benefit of Hughes influencing my dreams. I have had several nights of sleep in which I am dreaming my dreams and something straight out of his poetry enters the dream. It is not just the images and themes, but also the sounds and the conversations of some of his poems. In one, I am in some tense situation that has escalated and may result in my being severely hurt. I simply open my mouth and say his words. In another, I am walking from train to train looking for the Freedom Train. I am actively looking forward to closing my eyes tonight to enter dreamland and inviting Hughes to take it from there. While not always pleasant, it is somewhat beautiful and pure and enlightening.

[Ones to Remember: Freedom Train, Not a Movie, Advice, Arguement, Subway at Rush Hour, Harlem, World War II]

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Celebrating Father's Day
At Lake Tawakoni

We took a short drive over to Lake Tawakoni State Park to do a little Father's Day weekend camping. We had never been there before, but decided it would be a good place to set up the pop up and celebrate Father's Day. The drive was nice and pretty going through small Texas towns I had never been to before --- Forney, Wells Point, Elmo. We passed stands at the fronts of farms and orchards selling peaches, tomatoes, okra and more.

Oskar and Fidel in the Pop Up
We got one of the last camp sites in the park, but I think we got the very best one: 22. It was surrounded by heavy woods and backed up onto the lake. It felt secluded and like it was just us, the birds, the bullfrogs, and the tree frogs. We set up camp, had lunch, and hung out for a bit before going swimming. We probably could have swam right off our campsite, but I was overly cautious about cottonmouths. So we went over to the little designated swimming beach. The water was nice and warm. Grace absolutely loved the sand and splashing around. She also made friends (as she does most anywhere she goes). By the time we left the beach, we had several little kids who had adopted us as part of their crew.

We came back to the campsite and Grace explored and helped me gather firewood for our camp fire. The sun and tree canopy were just beautiful. When it started to cool off a little bit, we went for a little hike. Grace loaded up in her back pack and we headed out. It was beautiful east Texas woods. My silly Sookie Stackhouse novels came to mind as I jokingly wondered if vampires, fairies, and shifters ran through these woods at night.

We got back to camp and built our campfire. We cooked dinner --- veggie dogs, grilled veggies, and watermelon slices. Watermelon is one of Grace's favorite foods and we have been eating it regularly already this summer since watermelons started coming into season earlier this month. But there is just something so refreshing and fun about sitting outside on a hot day and biting into a slice of cold, juicy watermelon. We all had watermelon juice dripping down our faces and wore it as a badge of summer.

We sat and listened as the day sounds transitioned to night ones. We put Grace to bed and sat by the fire, watching moonlight on the lake. The tree frogs, bullfrogs, and other night creatures were so loud, their symphony coming from all directions. It was beautiful and almost deafening. Jeff with Fidel on his lap, me with Oskar on mine (Emma was in the pop up keeping an eye on Grace -- the good furry dogmother she is), we watched the fire and the lake and visited, raising our voices so that we were not drowned out by the frogs. It was a good night.

I woke up at our normal time, but Grace slept late. I took in my beautiful family in the morning light. My beautiful little girl, soundly in the dreamland, with her relaxed limps strewn every which way and her face as close to that of an angel as I will ever see. She no longer sleeps curled up like a baby, but takes up her space in the bed like the little girl she is. I looked to my left to my handsome husband, friend, and the most wonderful dad to our little girl. And our sweet furkids, Fidel by my side, Oskar below him, and Emma at my feet. Fidel watched me as I looked around making sure everything was ok. I laid back down and pet Fidel, smiling at the peace and togetherness of my family. Sweet voyeuristic moments when I have a timeout to appreciate how good it is.

When Grace woke, she grabbed her bunny and started making it hop while saying, "Hop. Hop. Hop." She turned and smiled and said, "Hi Mommy. Hi Daddy." with that metallic, angelic ring she has. We started our day, enjoying the sweet morning air and our family breakfast in our outdoor dining room.

Father's Day Gifts
After breakfast, Grace and I went to get Jeff's gift from the car. Grace had decorated the wrapping paper, helped me put together the gift, and wrote on the car. I handed her the gift and she very carefully and slowly walked over to Jeff at the picnic table. He was still eating. I said, "Jeff, would you turn around." Grace smiled and proudly handed her gift to him. He opened it carefully, making sure not to tear the wrapping paper she decorated. She pointed to the framed picture and told Jeff, "Grace. Daddy." It was picture of them at the Rangers game on one side of the frame and a picture she drew on the other. He smiled and it seemed her smile got slightly bigger. It was a beautiful moment to have witnessed. Such a nice little girl and such a proud, happy father.

After cleaning up from breakfast, we took off for a morning hike. Beautiful little peninsula view of the lake. Also, incredible spider viewing and tons of webs. Beautiful in the morning, however, not where I would want to be in the middle of the night. It felt a little spooky even in the morning sun. Still a lovely hike though.

Grace and I went swimming after. She swam to her heart's content and I enjoyed the water, sun, and company. We got a snow cone from the park store on our walk back to camp. She was grinning ear-to-ear with red syrup dripping all over her stomach down to her toes. Happy kiddo.

Back at camp, we had lunch, then packed up. Grace cried as we closed up the camper realizing the trip was over. I put her to work helping me load the car though and the tears went away. Nothing like work and responsibility to clear up woes.

We drove back to Addison. Grace was sound asleep before we even hit the first town. As we exited off 635, Grace said, "Grace. Addison." Always nice to come home, but very nice little camping weekend. Happy Father's Day!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Vacation Report: Horseshoe Bay, Texas

Pooltime
For Memorial Day weekend, we decided to mosey on down the road to my favorite landscape in the world: the Texas Hill Country. Jeff, Grace, Fidel, Emma, Oskar, and I hit the road and headed down to Horseshoe Bay on Lake LBJ. After a nice leisurely drive, we arrived early Friday afternoon. Just exiting in Georgetown and entering the hill country, I could feel myself relax and a broad smile kept coming across my face. When we got out of the car at our resort, I could smell the warm dirt, limestone, and oaks. We definitely had chosen the right place for a relaxing weekend.

Dinner By The Water
We stayed at the JW Marriott resort there. It was the perfect set up for us --- very dog friendly and kid friendly, but definitely made us feel pampered. Our family joined us for the weekend. Al and Georgia came in from Chicago, mom drove up from San Antonio, and dad, Anna, and Marissa drove up as well. We played at the pool, went running, played tennis, kayaked, took walks, sat by the water enjoying the view, and jet skied. The lake was beautiful and hill country scenery was excellent. We did not get to golf (we wanted to, but did not have enough time with our busy schedule of leisure), but we went for afternoon drinks at the golf club and it is worth going just for the views. So beautiful.

It was an excellent weekend and one of those that felt like we really got away. When we entered the door to our home 4 days later, it felt like we had been worlds away. Just what we were hoping our Memorial Day vacation would be.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Almost Summer...

Suited Up
It is not officially summer because the cicadas are not out yet, but it certainly feels like summer is here. The neighborhood pool does not open until Memorial Day, but today we broke out our little baby pool. And my little water girl couldn't be happier.

In Her Little Girl Pool
She laughed and splashed and poured water. Sheer, pure delight. And it was really fun for all of us --- Grace, Jeff, me, the furcrew --- just enjoying being outside and being together. Today we had a taste of summer and, if this any indication, it certainly promises to be a good one.